If Women Were Hot Pockets

TEN WAYS TO BE CLEVERLY SUPERFICIAL UNDER THE GUISE OF FOOD!

Men and women are often inclined to make quick judgments on their fellow men and woman. Strangely enough, they use words like "hot", "cool", "sexy", "fine" and even phrases like "brick house" and "tall glass of water". Though I am sure these descriptions are accurate, I feel that they lack the necessary descriptive properties to define the person as a whole. BUT! Do not be afraid. I have a solution...
Men and women descriptive slang for internal and external features!

1. She/he is a hotpocket

Note: this isn't to say they she/he is available in at your local grocer.

A hotpocket (when heated) often leaves the outer edges unbearably hot and the center cold. Thus, a man or woman who is extremely hot (attractive) but has a "cold" personality can be called a "hotpocket"

2. For group settings, you can substitute the hotpocket phrases with pizza rolls instead

A group that is a fair mix of relatively hot people with cold centers is a Plate of Pizza Rolls

3. She/he is macaroni and cheese

This can be taken apart in a few ways....

a. She/he is Easy Mac, the derogatory term "easy" does not imply the common place "easy." This describes a person who comes on to needy or overbearlingly enjoys you.  (easy mac is often too soggy and wet to be eaten unless made by a pure genius)

b. She/he is Kraft Mac n. Cheese, This is your above average person, good looking with a good "cheesy" comedy that makes you smile. Hot-warm and often decently dressed.

c. She/he is homemade Mac and Cheese. I want to marry this person. now. That's what you mean when you say it. 

4. She/he is Marie Callender's Lasagna

Beware, she/he is hot but is also high maintenance. She/he will take forever to get ready and require multiple opinions on whether or not she/he is really hot yet. 

5. She/he is McDonalds

She/he is okay, has one of those faces you think you've seen everywhere but you're just not sure. Though their profile picture looks great, you see them in person and you are disappointed. Though some of you hang around because you were good friends in kindergarten, just not the type you are really looking for...ultimately, this is a friend zone. It's your lack of real flavor...not me. 

6. She/he is Jello

Jello comes in all shapes and sizes, it's a jolly person of any shape that you enjoy, especially at parties!

7. She/he is old milk

They seem okay at a glance, but one deeper look and you'll smell it...another look and you'll hear it, one sniff and you'll see it's terrible. (applicable to all races, not just white....or green)

8. She/he is Top Ramen

Honestly, you don't know what to think of them, until you get them in some other situation, you really don't know. 

9. She/he is Margarine 

Fake personality and fake tan....all those artificial flavors and artificial colorings...I don't know what to do with you. just stop.

10. She/he is Chinese Food

Doesn't matter how old they get, this is someone you can come how to, a bit spicy when you need it, warm when you want it, cold when you need it and just right any time of the day.

There you go.......ten things you really didn't need to know but now you know it!  I'm not suggesting you label people, but if I took the time to label people...this is how I would do it

As a last thought, opposites attract for a reason....why? I've got my thoughts, what are yours?

-J